HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!

(Ghislaine Emrys is NOT dreaming of a white Christmas...!!!)



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If the Devil's Hole Gang went a-caroling, perhaps they sang this version...
(as revised by Ghislaine Emrys)



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Ex-Outlaw Season's Greetings Everyone
from Penski!

Here Come the Outlaws!
(to the tune of Here Comes Santa Claus)

Here come the outlaws!
Here come the outlaws!
Robbing banks and trains!
Heyes and Kid Curry and Devil’s Hole gang
are pulling up the reins.
Lobo, the Preacher, Hank, Kyle,
And Wheat; the gang’s all down
Playin’ poker an’ drinkin’ whiskey.
'Cause the outlaws come to town.

Here come the outlaws!
Here come the outlaws!
Robbing banks and trains!
No safe’s secure with Heyes’ fingers;
Kid’s twirling his gun again.
Safe is opened, money’s taken.
They’re wanted and renowned.
Ride from posse, back to the Hole,
'Cause the outlaws leavin’ town.

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THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS – ASJ FANFIC STYLE

by Calico

On the first day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the second day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the third day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the fourth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the fifth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: five pa-at hands,
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the sixth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the seventh day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the eighth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: eight Kyles a-stinkin’
Seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the ninth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: nine floozies winkin’
Eight Kyles a-stinkin’
Seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the tenth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: ten Gov’nors still thinkin’
Nine floozies winkin’
Eight Kyles a-stinkin’
Seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the eleventh day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: eleven jail keys clinkin’
Ten Gov’nors still thinkin’
Nine floozies winkin’
Eight Kyles a-stinkin’
Seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

On the twelfth day of Christmas a fanfic writer wrote for me: twelve Sheriffs with no inkling,
Eleven jail keys clinkin’
Ten Gov’nors still thinkin’
Nine floozies winkin’
Eight Kyles a-stinkin’
Seven Wheats a-blinkin’
Six safes a-sinkin’
Five pa-at hands, (five hands and...)
Four twirling guns,
Three tub scenes,
Two trademark hats,
And ex-outlaws tryin’ to stay free.

---oooOOOooo--- ---oooOOOooo--- ---oooOOOooo---


A FANFIC WRITER’S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS... from Calico

1) Have the boys get hurt more often.
2) Have the boys get nekkid more often.
3) Hey! Have the boys get hurt WHILE nekkid!
4) Investigate possible steam burn injuries while nekkid in saunas...
5) Investigate possible piranha nibble injuries while swimming nekkid...
6) Investigate possible sprained toe injuries from reaching for washcloths while nekkid in tubs...
7) Make even more use of ‘Whatshisname’ and ‘The other fella’ joke. Twice a story is simply not enough!
8) Make even more use of innuendo. (“What’s innuendo, Heyes?” “Isn’t nothing in MY end-o, Kid!”)
9) Include more orphans. And cute puppies. And winsome kittens.
10) Include more and more villainous villains! More dumb and dumber henchmen! More use of the phrase ‘Muhahaha!’
11) Each and every villain to be given a speech commencing: “I could keeeeell you now, Meester ‘Eyes, but that vould be too eeeeeasy!”
12) Investigate where the Sam Hill this villain’s accent comes from!
13) Finally get the boys to visit England! Specifically – get the boys to visit the Midlands. Nekkid. Nekkid and carrying plenty of chilled champagne. (Hey, it’s fiction – why stint myself?!)
14) Before getting boys to England, remember to send my Floozy outfit to be dry-cleaned. (Who said WHICH floozy outfit??!!)
15) Remember to get feathers fluffed.
16) Give Heyes a penchant for older women.
17) Fish out dictionary/thesaurus from cat basket and check ‘penchant’ means what I think it does.
18) After he’s finished his penchant, give Heyes a fondness, an inclination, a partiality, a predilection, a proclivity and a taste for older women.
19) Give Heyes a chance to get his breath back.
20) Give Heyes a... (CENSORED!)

---oooOOOooo--- ---oooOOOooo--- ---oooOOOooo---

Recipe for a Healthy and Happy 2010
Ingredients

2 Ex-outlaws in whatever condition you find them. Descriptions can be found in any sheriff’s office (except that of Sheriff Lom Trevors).

2 hot baths filled with the soapiest sudsiest water imaginable.
2 wash cloths
2 towels
2 portions of yellow ‘rough’-puff pastry shaped into yellow bandanas

Turn heat up to as hot as you want it for as long as you want it but remember this is a PG site so be discrete.

Method.

Take your two ex-outlaws and strip nekkid.

Place in your hot bath making sure that all the bubbles are discretely covering any non-PG areas. Outlaws can be very tough. Do not be put off by this – the story is very different on the inside so it’s worth taking the time. And anyway, you simply need to soak for a while to smooth and soften them up. Once they are properly soaked through, wash thoroughly all over. Remember dust and grime from the trail gets everywhere!

Soak your ex-outlaws in the bath for as long as necessary but remember to remove before they get too wrinkled. Then take two of the fluffiest lightest towels you have and wrap them up tightly. Then dry both thoroughly, again remembering all areas especially between…the toes. Tricky corners those!

Then wrap your ex-outlaws in the two ‘rough’-puff pastry yellow bandanas – again to make sure this recipe stays PG. You must make sure your outlaws are modest (well – as they can be wrapped up in only a pastry-bandana).

Once you have your ex-outlaws wrapped up tight divide and distribute equally to ALL ex-outlaw fans on BOTH sides of the pond.

To Serve:

Simply simmer your ex-outlaw until he is ready. You may want to turn the heat up just before serving but, again, I must remind you of the PG nature of this particular site. An ex-outlaw is ‘delicious eaten in any way’ so if, for example, you don’t like pastry… (less calories too).

This recipe is guaranteed to protect and soothe against all reality checks and the aches and pains of everyday living in the real world. It can be taken anytime and will guarantee a smile on your face no matter what 2010 throws at you.

And with that I wish everyone a very healthy and happy 2010. AllegraW

(‘delicious eaten in any way’ is a quote taken from the book Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf by Catherine Storr)